Sometimes I feel like I’m trolling the world.
Not in the petty, mocking sense, but in the deeper, unspoken way that living with clarity and peace seems to disrupt everything the world is built on. I rejected everything they told me I needed to pursue. Toxic comparison, ego, greed, addiction, distraction, conformity, groupthink, a traditional social life, external validation, status games. All of it. I turned away from society not because I was "superior." I turned away because I had a burning desire for adventure. Something real. Something clean. Something that would let me breathe.
And now "somehow" I’m one of the most peaceful, content, and internally fulfilled people on earth. Not because I unintentionally found my way there... Not because I was born into perfect conditions...
I refused to betray myself. I refused to decay morally. I refused to conform.
People look at me and assume I’m some anomaly. A genetic outlier. A “naturally happy” person. They see the calm on my face, the steadiness in my actions, the centeredness in my presence and they assume it was given to me, as in pure luck. They don’t see the years of solitude, reflection, resistance, loss, and rebuilding. They don’t see the moments I chose clarity instead of comfort, or integrity instead of inclusion and "fitting in." They don’t know how often I died to the old self just to stay aligned with what I knew was right and sincere. I don’t advertise it. I don’t need to. What I’ve built speaks for itself.
I drained the shallows. Society is obsessed with the shallows. The constant scrolling, the superficial updates, the irrelevant opinions, the performances. Everyone’s seeking stimulation, status, or the next distraction. And I get it. The world order is designed to keep people trapped in the shallows. It’s not entirely their fault. It's not a fair fight. But still, I see people waste their one shot at existence pursuing illusions! More followers, a "whose body is the hottest" competition, another hit of cheap dopamine, a level of status to impress the next stranger who doesn’t even care. They live at the surface and then wonder why they feel empty and pathetic. Most make a bad situation worse than it needs to be. They let entropy destroy reason, free will, spiritual health, patience, hope, and courage. Ngmi.
Figuratively, I stepped away from society permanently. Not out of arrogance. Out of self respect.
I realized early that none of the nonsense would matter when I’m dying. At the end of my life, what will I care about? That I impressed a faceless crowd I didn’t like? That I fit into a system that felt wrong and dystopian to me? That I accumulated empty markers of "success" while my soul starved in the background? No. I will care that I lived in sincerity, truth, and reason. That I followed my heart, and explored. That I saw clearly. That I stood firm when it would've been easier to imitate the sleepwalkers. That I lived unapologetically myself, rooted in a reality deeper and drastically more fulfilling than the senseless game everyone else was playing.
This is why I feel like I’m trolling society. Because I was supposed to fall for the deception. I was supposed to be seduced, distracted, addicted, broken, compliant, obedient. But I see through it. I didn’t just reject society. I understood it deeply. And I live differently. Privately. Meaningfully. On my terms. Not recklessly. Strategically. Thoughtfully.
I'm self actualized. My profound peace isn't known to many, but it’s real and enduring. I don’t need to scream that I’m winning. The few who notice, really notice... can feel it in my presence. They ask questions. They sense the difference. Some are threatened or intimidated by it. Some are inspired. Either way, no one really has power over me because I mastered my internal state. I didn’t choose this path to impress anyone. I chose it because I refuse to die asleep.
I'm 26 and still young for a while, but I know death is coming eventually. The reality of eventual death keeps me focused and embracing what matters. When death comes for me, I won’t panic. It can come next month if that's what's meant to be. I live in accordance with nature. I’ve already rehearsed the letting go. When the final moment arrives, I will meet it with peace and contentment. Not regret. That’s how I live in the present moment. Like someone who’s already made peace with the inevitable end.
While sleepwalkers anxiously go about their unnecessary drama and suffering, I’m building something worthwhile. Passionately. A life story that doesn’t depend on external permission. A curious mind that doesn’t need to be constantly soothed by false comfort. An empathetic, kind heart that isn’t for sale. I am not here to follow the conventional script. I’m here to live fully. And I will not waste this precious journey.
Let them think I’m simply lucky. Let them try to explain it away. Let the haters hate. I don't mind.
What matters is I myself know why I sustain exceptional well being. I know what it costed me.
And I know I would choose it all again. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I enjoy seeing from my eyes, my heart, my mind, my soul.
Grateful and sincere till the end. One must sincerely love and respect himself to sincerely love and respect another.
This post goes well with these posts:
Choose Reason Anyway
https://rgessays.com/choose-reason-anyway
I'm at a point where there's nothing left to chase.
https://rgessays.com/im-at-a-point-where-theres-nothing-left-to-chase
I genuinely love my life.
https://rgessays.com/i-genuinely-love-my-life
The Foundation of Strong Character
https://rgessays.com/the-foundation-of-strong-character
I am most inspired by those who remain entirely hidden from public view.
https://rgessays.com/i-am-most-inspired-by-those-who-remain-entirely-hidden-from-public-view
Greed & Addiction
https://rgessays.com/greed-and-addiction
View my full list of posts here: https://rgessays.com/archive