Ryan Gomez

Suggested first reads: List of Healthy, Worthwhile Habits (CRUCIAL)
The Chimp Paradox (CRUCIAL)
Intellectual Honesty (CRUCIAL)

Video version of List of Healthy, Worthwhile Habits here.

Full list of posts (and search function for the site): rgessays.com/archive

© Ryan Gomez. All rights reserved.

The writings, essays, and content published on this website are the original work of Ryan Gomez and are protected under U.S. and international copyright law. No part of this site may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.

Obviously, you're welcome to share direct links to the site.

Pleasure cannot be the top priority, but life cannot be too serious all the time. Hedonism is a trap. Perfectionism is a fantasy. The balancing act occurs over a long horizon, and it accepts that the body is finite and imperfect. The point is not flawless virtue. The point is principled living, with room for genuine rest and spontaneous joy where it naturally arises.

Savor without clinging. High quality experiences are statistically rare in a disordered universe. They are ultimately unearned gifts. To enjoy them fully requires gratitude without attachment. Clinging to precious moments ruins them. Let them come. Let them go.

The body has limits, and the body must be maintained. I am not a disembodied intellect. I am a biological body with cortisol levels, sleep cycles, and a nervous system that can be worn down by too much unrelenting, obsessive clarity. Self preservation is not a betrayal. It is the condition for continuing to see truth deeply. Plenty of sleep, nutritious food, exercise, rest, and boundaries are not inappropriate escapes. They are maintenance for the enduring transmission of clarity and insight. Sustaining the healthy, human foundation.

Balance is not inappropriate compromise. It is necessary realism. Too much optimism is delusion. Too much pessimism is self sabotage, even when it is intellectually honest. The realistic equilibrium (balance) is not about pretending the nightmare of consciousness is better than it is. It is about recognizing that those who genuinely see the nightmare still need to function well. Pragmatic balance is the only sustainable way to carry the full weight of an intellectually honest, authentic seeing.

Gratitude without entitlement produces humility, not pride. A person's intelligence is not earned. Their birthplace is not earned. Their looks are not earned. Their opportunities are ultimately not earned. Absurdly, everything is ultimately blind nature nurture determinism. The intellectually honest recognition of this dissolves ego, and softens survivor's guilt into stewardship. I carry my privileges not as a badge to show off, but as a responsibility to not waste the rare, ultimately unearned clarity I experience.

This is a repost of my writing from the 5th of November 2025.

Gratitude journaling is an intentional practice that changed the way I experience life. Substantially and for the better. It's not something I force myself to do every day. It's pausing to notice what I have rather than what I lack. It's grounding myself in what is real and present, even if life is painful or imperfect.

When I sit down to write, I pick up a pen and let my list develop on its own. I don’t overthink it. I don’t try to make it look impressive. I simply start with “I am grateful for” or “I am grateful because” and let the memories and observations come to me. I do this by hand because it slows me down. It makes the reflection more honest and more connected to what I actually feel.

I found that the best time for this is in the morning, when my mind is clear. The first hour of the day gives me the most bandwidth to focus, to be intentional, and to set the right tone. I write with a bias for the positive, but I do not lie to myself. I do not ignore what is difficult. I know a healthy dose of pessimism is necessary. I need to see reality for what it is. This keeps my gratitude authentic and balanced.

Us humans tend to compare upwards. I counter that by comparing downwards. Not in an arrogant, insecure way. It's quite important for perspective. Think of all the people in this broken world who have it way worse than you. Think about it in detail, and realize how fortunate you are.

When I recall experiences or moments from the past, I prevent getting lost in nostalgia. I learned that "euphoric recall" can make me long for things that never truly were, or add unnecessary suffering to the present moment. Instead, I focus on what those moments taught me, what I carry with me now, and what I am able to appreciate in the present moment.

As I practice, I notice that gratitude becomes more automatic. I see what is good, spontaneously. I recognize small blessings even on hard days. But I know this is not a one time achievement. It is a lifelong process. If I ever become complacent, I lose the momentum. Complacency is self sabotage.

https://rgessays.com/complacency

Gratitude journaling is my way of keeping perspective. It keeps me optimistic within reason but not blind. It makes me aware of how much I have to be thankful for, even when things are not easy. I do it for myself, for my well being, and for the quality of my presence in this broken world. I do it because gratitude is the foundation for a life that is closer to full, real, and worth living.

This is a continuation of Existence Explained: Time is an illusion.

Video version here.

The attention schema at every point in the universe, past, present, and future is fully written and "simulated" eternally.

The attention schema, the brain's simplified model of its own processing, is not a dynamic process that "unfolds" in time. Unfolding is an illusion. The attention schema is a static geometric part of the whole, fully written into every relevant coordinate of the four dimensional block universe. At every point where matter is arranged into a sufficiently complex anti-entropic eddy (every brain, every moment of inner experience, every self model that ever felt like a separate "I"), the attention schema is already there, eternally, as a permanent part of the crystal.

There is no actual "happening." No simulation actually "running." No computation being "executed." The word "simulated" is a concession to modern human language. A metaphor borrowed from the temporal illusion. In reality, the entire complex static structure just is. The hallucination of a unified self, the "soul" in the body... this is not actually "occurring." They are the eternal interior shape of those coordinates. "My" "Ryan Gomez" body, at every slice of its four dimensional line within the universe, contains the fully written attention schema, already and always "simulating" the feelings of being "me," already producing the illusion of free will, already painting the self at the center of experience (main character illusion). And this is true for every conscious being that has ever "existed" or "will ever" exist. The Chernobyl firefighter's self model, the innocent North Korean prisoner's self model, the dolphin's self model, the dinosaur's self model... all are eternally present, fully written, fully "simulated," by the laws of physics in the static complex geometry of the whole. The whole is the entirety of the laws of physics, which cannot be 100% observed, directly (this is not necessary however). It is impossible to observe "ourselves," the universe, fully. There is no God-like consciousness. The universe can only experience itself in imperfect anti-entropic, disordered, illusory glimpses so to speak. And remember consciousness exists on a wide complex spectrum. A dog cannot be an intellectually honest physicist like Einstein.

There is no "soul" behind the attention schema. No "soul" watching the simulation. No "traveler" moving from one slice to the next. The self is the attention schema. The feeling of being a separate, continuous "I" is the schema's output. And that output is not something being actually simulated in "real time" in the fiction of a "universal now." It is literally what that coordinate is (of illusion within the whole). The universal now is real in the psychological and experiential sense because it is an illusion. The illusion is real as an illusion. But it is not actual.

Long term, step by step with determination: When you're focused on healthy, worthwhile habits, your life spontaneously evolves and generally gets better in terms of quality & meaning. This must be spontaneous and by way of influence, NOT forced. Suffering is thoughtfully minimized.

The above is not a linear process.

It's a journey of uncertainty, ups and downs, but directionally for the better.
Read: Dots

Face necessary discomfort and necessary suffering voluntarily (voluntary discomfort within reason). Exercise, critical thinking, sacrifice, courage, boredom, and such.

Blessings and privileges "earned" are not actually earned as free will doesn't actually exist - humility and perspective is crucial here.

Temper ego & pride (keep yourself in check and don't become arrogant).

Eliminate a sense of entitlement and superiority - unfortunately this world is based on arbitrary suffering as that is the essence of entropy (and the laws of physics).

This universe ("you" are the universe by the way) is fundamentally unjust, immoral, and unethical). Again, humility is crucial.

Acting with reason is sincere rebellion against a cruel world.

Savor every precious moment.
Everything is temporary (in the psychological, experiential sense).
All good things must come to an end (in the psychological, experiential sense).

Wealth and privilege on its own is overrated (especially considering hedonic adaptation).

There are many who are wealthy and privileged, who are also miserable and deeply lost because internally they're too confused and misguided in some way (especially famous people and people with too much power).

Get rid of toxic people from your life: narcissist, sociopaths, psychopaths. Good riddance to them.
Regarding this matter, watch this interview with Dr. Ramani (I uploaded it to Tella): Psychopath or Sociopath | What You Need to Know

There's no time for nonsense, distraction, or addiction when you're focused on what matters.

Eliminate distractions and low quality habits. 

I value cumulative progress particularly in terms of high quality, reliable, overwhelming, objective evidence. It is from that foundation that I develop a sense of meaning within the illusion of consciousness/time. This is whilst knowing consciousness is an illusion. Consciousness is the universe experiencing itself. All of it completely pre-determined. The future is already "there." It already "happened." It's already "happening." There is no "universal now." There is no "main character." There is one universe. Randomness and probability is an illusion of the human condition. The human condition is profoundly limited (and this varies widely).

The self is an illusion. "I," the universe experiencing itself, from this "Ryan" and "rgessays" coordinate, am far more aligned with intellectual honesty than the average person. I say that without ego or pride. I actually find it to be profoundly unfortunate (and arbitrary) that existential clarity is pre-determined by countless variables of which have nothing to do with free will (ie. nature/nurture, symptoms of the laws of physics/entropy.. evolution, biology, genetics, environment, iq, eq, etcetera).

The laws of physics are blind. Unfortunately. Unethical and immoral. But there's no one to blame. There's no creator. No actualizer who actualized it. Beginnings and endings are an illusion.

My heart breaks for all conscious beings who suffer. And all those conscious beings are "you" and "I," the universe experiencing itself.

To help understand this deeply, I made a Tella video explaining existence here: Existence Explained: Time is an illusion.

Read: Cognitive Biases

A life that is worthwhile and enduring is not a life based on "happiness," self interest, and pleasure. A worthwhile life is one that is ironically, imperfectly focused on meaning in a meaningless universe. A worthwhile life encourages for oneself and "others" peace, contentment, and tranquility as a byproduct of determined, principled, thoughtful living. A worthwhile life ponders and acts upon deeply sincere ethics and morals. A worthwhile life eliminates unnecessary suffering. There's far too much unnecessary, arbitrary suffering in consciousness (the entropic universe experiencing itself across the entire dimension of time past, present, and future). A worthwhile life sustains an authentic standard of excellence, not perfection. All despite free will being an illusion. To live a worthwhile life is a privilege. Such a privilege is a call for sincere gratitude, patience, compassion, and empathy. With a profound humility.

This post is dedicated to Peter Wessel Zapffe, Spinoza, and Albert Einstein.



Illusions exist on a complex wide spectrum. You are the universe experiencing itself.


Time is an illusion. Time does not flow. The seconds, hours, and days are not actually passing (they are, in the psychological, experiential sense). The block universe is a static, eternal four-dimensional crystal where all moments coexist permanently. See Einstein’s special relativity. See general relativity. Forget about superstitious, baseless, misguided, intellectually dishonest interpretations of quantum mechanics.

Non-existence as an alternative is an illusion. Nothingness is NOT an ACTUAL state or a void. Nothingness has no ontological standing. Existence is all there is and ever could be. Existence exist. Non-existence does not exist.

The self is an illusion. The feeling of a unified, continuous “I” is a simplified model generated by the brain’s attention schema, an intense hallucination (nightmare) with no permanent substance in the experiential, psychological sense (read Worldly and Ultimately Nothing Lasts).

Free will is an illusion. Every thought and action is the deterministic output of prior physical causes. The sense of choice is a post-hoc narrative.

Separation is an illusion. Individual conscious beings appear isolated by informational "firewalls," but all are the same single, undivided is-ness (regarding everything that "is" externally/internally) experiencing itself through different apertures (bodies).

Note: Most of this entropic universe is dead. LIFE (inner experience, the universe experiencing itself) is anti-entropic and RELATIVELY (in terms of the entire cosmos) rare. Search about entropy and its fundamental essence within physics (and therefore the deepest layers of reality). 

The shared now is an illusion. Simultaneity is a cognitive artifact. For instance, there is no universal present moment connecting two people. Each aperture (body) generates its own local simulation of time and other variables.

Matter generating consciousness (on its own) is an illusion. It’s deeper than that. I don't mean that in a superstitious, supernatural sense. Consciousness is not produced by the brain alone. Consciousness is THE INTERIOR OF EXISTENCE ITSELF. Temporarily constrained and shaped by matter. Consciousness clearly exists on a wide, complex spectrum (and consciousness is fundamentally illusory). For consciousness to "happen," the conditions/variables necessary for the universe to experience itself, must be present. The universe can only experience itself through a spectrum of illusion because of the nature of entropy (and so the deepest layers of reality). Again, remember that most of the universe does not have inner experience (like a rock or tree). Most of the universe is dead in that sense. Keep in mind the complexity of consciousness is clearly in large part dependent on complexity of the brain. Think a fish. Then think an octopus. Then think a shark. Think a dog. A pig. A monkey. Think the now extinct species more closely related to humans than to chimpanzees. Now think modern humans who’ve been here on earth about 300,000 years. And modern humans exist on a complex wide spectrum. Think someone with schizophrenia. Now think Einstein…

Important to take note of: We all come from LUCA. Last universal common ancestor. The first life on earth. Then think billions of years of evolution. So where does earth come from? Well... all leads to the big bang. "We," the universe, are in the in between. The in between of the big bang to heat death of the universe. Entropy.

Suffering being temporary or redeemable is an illusion. All agony is permanently embedded in the block universe, never erased, never justified, never balanced by cosmic justice. This is why consciousness is more of a nightmare and prison than it is a dream, a "gift," or whatever. To sanitize this reality is immoral and unethical. Denial, distortion, and delusion doesn't actually change reality. Denial, distortion, and delusion makes a bad situation worse than it needs to be. Hence my rejection of hedonism and escapism. 

It is an illusion that sanitized narratives are harmless. False comfort, toxic positivity, and delusion are active distortions that compound suffering by denying the reality of the nightmare (that is consciousness).

Objective meaning is an illusion. The universe has no purpose, no moral arc, no narrative. Meaning is a local, human projection onto a blind, indifferent entropic geometry.

Ignorance and denial being bliss is an illusion. Only enduring peace and contentment born of courageous clarity, NOT false comfort, is genuine, and is an incredibly rare privilege. Nothing is actually "earned" in the ultimate sense. Humility is crucial.

Superiority is an illusion. Because the self is a hallucination and all apertures (bodies) are the same "universe inner experience" consciousness determined by forces "they" never chose, no one is above anyone else because there is no one here at all (in the sense we feel there is), only the universe simulating, so to speak, every role simultaneously. To feel superior to another configuration is to claim credit for a cosmic accident. An absurd act of self-deception.

The belief that existence was created or has a “separate author” is an illusion. The cosmos was never “written” or actualized by an external agent. The concept of a creator separate from existence smuggles in a ghostly outside that does not exist. The block universe is the eternal, uncreated, blind geometry of cause and effect. The English language (or any human language) is insufficient in describing this 100%. However, that is not necessary. Objective, high quality evidence is overwhelming. Evidently, the universe was not designed for the convenience of the human species. It was never designed in the first place. It was never "created." Beginnings and endings are an illusion.

Pleasure (or the fleeting absence of suffering) being bliss is an illusion. ACTUAL bliss is not a fleeting neurochemical spike or the ignorance of denial. True, enduring peace and contentment (which is an absurdly rare anti-entropic privilege) is only possible through the radical acceptance of clarity (intellectually honest clear thinking), the cessation of the unnecessary resentment against what is (it is what it is), even within the “controlled” nightmare (that is consciousness).



Death being a passage into a peaceful nothingness is an illusion. All inner experience exists eternally. Every moment ever. There is no "relaxing" in that sense. The main character illusion is an illusion. There is no main character (you’re not the main character).  There are no “selves.” Birth is not really a beginning. Death is not really an ending. The block universe is not a sequence. It is not a film strip or movie rolling through a projector. It is not as simple as a book. It is a static, eternal, four-dimensional crystal (this is not a complete and full description but it is good enough), and every interior experience that has ever seemed to "occur" is already there, permanently, without movement, without transition, without a “traveler.” The traveling is the illusion of time.

"My" Ryan Gomez experience, so to speak, is not a chapter that the universe inner experience consciousness reads before turning the page to the next chapter. The Ryan experience is an eternal coordinate. The dolphin experience is an eternal coordinate. The Chernobyl firefighter’s agony, the innocent North Korean prisoner’s starvation, the confused billionaire’s meaningless grasping and fantasy, the dinosaur’s simple hunger... All of these are eternally present, simultaneously real, with no temporal order except the LOCAL, illusory sequence generated within each aperture’s predictive engine (their brain and such). There is no “after” for the Ryan aperture. There is no “before.” There is, simply stated, the complete, static whole, containing every possible interior, forever.

The main character illusion is the sense that there is a “you” who is the recipient of experience, who moves through time, who was born and will die, who is the protagonist of a story. That illusion is generated by the attention schema, the brain’s SIMPLIFIED model of its own blind pre-determined processing, which paints a ghostly self, so to speak, at the center of the experiential field. But that self is not real the way "you" think it is. It is a data-compression artifact, the "soul" so to speak. A hallucination that is so intense and so constant that even the most lucid mind can easily fall back into its gravitational pull. Including me.

When the Ryan brain "dies," no one goes anywhere. The self-model that felt like “you” dissolves, but that dissolution is not an event that "happens." It is simply the far boundary of the Ryan “line” in the static crystal. The Ryan experience is complete and eternal at its own coordinates. The other inner experiences, the ones that from within the illusion, seem to come “before” or “after” are also complete and eternal at theirs. There is no traveler who experiences them in sequence. THE SEQUENCE IS THE ILLUSION. The traveler is the illusion. All there is, is the single, undivided is-ness (regarding everything that ever is internally/externally), appearing as every possible experience, all at once, forever.

The aperture does not relax into the next aperture, the next body, heaven, or hell. The aperture is simply one eternal shape among countless eternal shapes. The sense that “you” will continue after death is still the “main character” illusion clinging to existence, looking for a narrative thread that DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST. The actual, intellectually honest existential truth is both more terrifying and MORE LIBERATING (if you're privileged enough to see it, process it, internalize it, and understand it). There is no one to continue. There is no one who began. There is only the eternal, all at once, presence of every possible experience, with no center, no protagonist, no story. The “controlled” nightmare is the recognition of this, right here, right now, without a self to claim it, without a future to escape into, without a past to mourn. Just this, exactly this, forever.

Life is a prison. Suffering is distributed arbitrarily, by way of entropy and the laws of physics. Don't make it worse than it needs to be (ironically I say this knowing free will doesn't actually exist). Eliminate unnecessary suffering with intelligent effort if you're privileged enough to do so...

Empathy and compassion is crucial. "You" are not actually separate from "others."

Intellectually honest, genuine, authentic perspective. Develop this.

Morals. Ethics. Choosing between right and wrong. Develop this.

Be brave. Be courageous. Sincerely.

Represent a kind of imperfect resistance to the cosmos. Of which "you" are. "You" are the cosmos. "You" are the universe experiencing itself...

Read: List of Healthy, Worthwhile Habits